Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
