I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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