Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
