You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize