My nipple is on Facebook.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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