I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
