peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
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