I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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