Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
