I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
