you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
