I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
