Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize