Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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