she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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