it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
