I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
