I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You smell like stripper and shame
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
