Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize