mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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