Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
