Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
