My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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