I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We are two peas in an std pod
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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