Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
