i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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