Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize