i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
