also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
