I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This baby is an asshole
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He did a backflip because drugs
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