yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
