The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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