pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You are a genius and a whore.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
