glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Your dad touched me again.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
