i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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