There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
