He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he had hair everywhere except his balls
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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