I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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