Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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