Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
