have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Randomize
