I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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