I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
