I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
