yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
