I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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