I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
