I think my fart just growled at me.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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