I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
