I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
