Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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