woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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