I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I AM VODKA MAN
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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