She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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