I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
