Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Got a toothbrush?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
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