I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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