They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
