It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
