i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
