It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
