I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
