Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Actions speak louder than pants.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
