Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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