you lied. pity sex is amazing.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
