Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
