You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Randomize
