I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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