Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
