Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
