is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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