He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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