I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
