I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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