hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
