some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
