I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
