I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
