walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
