sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
