Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
