I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
