Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
